Survivors Stories
These stories are from the Domestic Violence Resource Centre Victoria also known as DVRCV
Katherine's Story
"I lived in a violent marriage for years. I was very naive at first and really didnt know people like him existed. He would kick me, slap me, push me, trip me over, throw things at me, stand on my feet, yell abuse, call me names like ‘social cripple’, the list goes on and on, but he never punched me. In fact he would say to people that he couldnt stand ‘wife bashers’. He would tell me that he didn’t want the children to play with so and sos children because they were a bad influence. He tried to isolate us from all those who loved us and new people we met would go through character assasinations by him.Life was continous hell, fear and horror and he always blamed the children or me for his violence. Things got a lot worse towards the end. He would threaten to run us all off the road in the car and kill us. The violence became a daily occurance if not several episodes a day."
Kaz's Story
"I really fell for this guy. He was wonderful for the first 3 months, but then he changed and became very controlling. He didn’t allow me to talk with friends freely, and would throw and break things if I did. He told me I was a bitch, he spat on me and hit me. On one occassion I was bedridden for 2 days from this and made excuses to people about how I was injured. He pulled a knife and stabbed my bedding, threatened me with objects, drove the car at high speeds with me in it – and always, always it was my fault. I began to believe that it was my fault and felt like I was in this rollercoaster that I couldn’t get off. I spent every day crying until finally enough was enough and I left. Still he came and begged me to give him another go and I did, but it wasn’t my choice to be in the relationship. We didn’t live together again and I started to go out with my friends more and more. I found that I really was so much happier and better without this person in my life."
David's Story
"I was a single dad with children and remarried. What an idiot I was. I should have spotted the warning signs.Whenever anything went wrong, she’d blame me. Anyway, it turned into a living nightmare within a year of being married.She took every opportunity to belittle me.When in a temper, she often hit me but never on the face. I thought I deserved it because I was withdrawn and a bad husband – that’s what she kept saying. She forced me to have sex to become a good husband for her. I couldn’t leave because that would have meant leaving my children. I tried to tell my mother but what little I told she said, “What are you doing to make her behave that way?” I felt abandoned by everyone except the kids. After several years, my wife said she was leaving. Everyone said the breakup was my fault. I never told anyone what really happened.Years later, I finally had the courage to tell a counselor that I went to because of depression after I lost my job. I had no close friends by then."
Alex's Story
"My partner has been physically and emotionally abusing me for about twelve months. It’s started with pushing and shoving and taking my keys when I wanted to leave. He was very insecure about past relationships and jealous of people he thought were a threat.We would have evenings where he’d been drinking and start accusing me of being a ‘whore’ amongst other names. It would go on for hours until he would fall asleep. The next day it was always the same, he was sorry and he didn’t know why he said it and did the things he did.I believed him at first but after the third time I knew it was a mistake and I had to get out.
The final straw was the worst behavior, hours of verbal abuse and name calling and then he became violent when I tried to call someone. That night it dawned on me things will never change. I had to put myself first and do what was right for me.How could I let myself be hurt this way?"
Jenna's Story
"Jenna’s partner never hit her, but with his constant criticisms, intimidation and demands, her life came to revolve around making him happy. He would encourage their children to ignore her, and his favouritism towards one of their daughters created conflict. Jenna began to see how much his attitude was affecting her daughters. She told him she was leaving, and applied for an Intervention Order. She says that, although it has been difficult, life is easier now than it was living day-to-day with her partner’s abuse."
Julie's Story
"At first my boyfriend was so considerate, and overly friendly. Once we started dating he started to accuse me of cheating on him, and would call me a ‘slut’. He would repeatedly call to “check-up” on me.When he say me dancing with a male friend, he grabbed my arm and I fell down a flight of steps trying to get away from him. One night, he held me down and wouldn’t let me leave his house. The worst part was that I went along with everything. He would break up with me, and then I would take him back. He blamed me for his behavior, saying that if I was trustable, he wouldn’t have to check on me. He would ask my friends if I was trustworthy and would check to see if my car was at work.Many times women believe that they would recognize abuse, I believed that. I am an educated woman, from a good family, with a job, and a secure future. I never thought I would end up in an abusive relationship.
It was so subtle – he stole my self worth."